The Best of Days and the Worst of Days Today I w...

The Best of Days and the Worst of Days

Today I was given fabulous news from a client who was headed home with her new baby boy. A wonderful adoption story from a couple who had just lived through every adoptive couple's worst nightmare. Finally, they are parents of a newborn and are headed home to start life as a family.
Today I also heard the worst news from this couples former attorney who advised me that the baby they thought they were once going be raising to adulthood was just returned to his drug addict, birth mother.
The couple I'm sure does not know this news, and I will not be the one to divulge it to them. I am also sure that at some point they will hear about this.
Their story is unfortunately not uncommon in this country where the birth mother changed her mind after signing over her child for adoption. The couple lost thousands of dollars and were dragged into a court proceeding where they were villainized by a system bent on protecting the natural bond between parent and child, even if this bond is tainted with cocaine.
Birthmom was an addict during pregnancy and continued her addiction after the birth. Birthmom lied to a court of law and was rewarded instead of punished for her destructive behavior.

I grieve for this child. He enters a house full of second hand smoke, just waiting to taint his young lungs. The cocaine which he will have easy access to waits like patient lover to devour him and give him the comfort he will ultimately need to get from somewhere. The people in his life will mold his young mind into thinking that the only way to get through the day is with drugs . His mother's attitude of entitlement will shape his view of society wherein he will not be looking to give back, but take what he can. The two siblings he will share a home with are already tainted by their parentage. Their father is a felon recently released from prison after serving time for child molestation. Will this man be a part of this child's life as he visits with his children in the mother's home? this child has 4 half siblings who are located throughout the county with different guardians. Will he every have a relationship with any of these siblings? Should he? Child protective services is a regular caller at his mother's address, will he think such visits are a normal part of growing up?

Will he ever know a normal family life? We know he will never have a father, his birthmother has taken care of that. His birth father wants nothing to do with either of them and has a family of his own.

I celebrate for the child who has found a family. I grieve for the child who lost his family.

To the judge, the law guardian and all the players who failed that child,knowing his best interests would not be served; Shame on you. Shame on your system. Sleep well.

Adoption Nightmares/Scams Recently on Dr.Phil t...

Adoption Nightmares/Scams

Recently on Dr.Phil there was a two part series on adoption scams. After living through an adoption nightmare I never realized that this was such a common problem across the country. Couples who are interested in adopting a child are often seen by these scam artists as vulnerable prey. The decision to give a child up for adoption is not one which should be taken lightly and once that decision is made and funds are exchanged it should be difficult for the birth parent to change their mind. Many of these changes of heart result in only heartbreak for the adoptive parents and in many cases significant financial losses. Using the promise of a child or infant, a group of unsuspecting couples recently brought their story to the Dr. Phil show. The promise was really all that truly existed in that there never was a child available for adoption. The woman in question lied about her pregnant condition and kept in touch with a number of couples, promising them all the child at the end of the bogus pregnancy. In one case at least money changed hands and in many instances "gifts" were sent to this scam artist. Apparently this individual operated this scam for at least a 5 year period before anyone tried to expose her. It is unclear at this juncture whether or not criminal charges have finally been leveled against her, but at the time none of the parties had instituted same. Many of these women were told that the "baby" they would be adopting had in fact been lost in a miscarriage. The couples had already decorated nurseries; purchased baby clothes and generally committed themselves to a child that never existed. When did the wonderful concept of adoption turn into such a wonderful opportunity for fraud? In surfing the net it is apparent that there is a large group dedicated to the rights of the birth parent. The group purports to defend the rights of the poor birth parent whom they assume in any adoption situation has been taken advantage of by adoptive parents who have money to fight costly legal battles to keep a child in the event the mother changes her mind. In truth the judicial system bends over backwards for a natural parent and the "poor" birth mother is often given free legal representation while the adoptive parents spend thousands in legal fees.