The Madonna controversy How Does It Effect Intern...

The Madonna controversy
How Does It Effect International Adoption?

Last night while I was waiting for my son to finish his homework, I got to do something I rarely do which is watch the evening news shows. All the talking heads were alternating between discussing the Michael J. Fox commercials and the Madonna adoption controversy. Of course the one show had a very upset commentator who was an adoptive father was very upset with Madonna for what he claims will ruin it for the rest of us who want to adopt internationally. Of course the controversy revolves around the fact that purportedly the laws for adoption in country of her adoption require the adoptive parents to reside in the country for an 18 month period. That seems a rather onerous task to ask of adoptive parents, but if in fact that is their rule, so be it. However, as the mother of an internationally adoptive child, also know that rules abroad involving adoptions are routinely changed or waived. The judge in our case (as well as the entire group traveling with us) all had the wait period waived. He must have been in a good mood that day. In our case we were told that there could be one to four week wait period before we could leave with the child. We were prepared to leave and come back due to the fact that we left other children at home. We were lucky in our case. Why can't it be Madonna was also lucky? Why wasn't her judge permitted to waive the requirement as was our judge? Is it because she is famous, and her adoption is public news, that she must be forced to a higher standard? I would be interested in seeing if any other adoptive parents were forced to reside for an 18 month period before leaving the country with the child. I would venture to say this "rule" is routinely waived. Isn't it more important that the child will be cared for properly and shouldn't we take into consideration that the child had been in an orphanage from 2 weeks after birth?

I think we need to re-evaluate our priorities and remember that we need to apply a best interest test in dealing with children. Who does the 18 month residency requirement benefit? Clearly not the child, who would thrive with nutritious food and medical care not readily available in his present environment.

We all want to think that the rich get favors you and I never do; but in this case I really don't believe the favor was granted because she bought it. I think the waiver was granted because the child deserved to begin his healthy new life as quickly as possible.

Happy Law This was supposed to be the area of th...

Happy Law

This was supposed to be the area of the law that made families instead of destroyed them. This is what I bragged to my staff when we entered this field. Silly me, I naturally forgot we were dealing with human nature.

Recently many of my adoption petitions have dealt with step parent adoption. Sometimes there is a parent who cannot be found, that is the easy type. Many times the parent can be found and must be given the right to object. Of course in my experience they always want to object. What ensues of course is then a hearing to see if that particular parent's rights should in fact be terminated. A pretty hefty burden.

Then we have the "I want my baby back." adoption nightmare. Again this is all too common here in the United States where we tend to bend over backwards to protect parental rights most times to the detriment of the children involved. Private adoptions in this country are a never ending source for the Lifetime Movie Network. They bring us all to tears and have helped to increase interest in International Adoptions, where children are free for adoption even before the potential adoptive couple has seen them. Orphanages internationally take abandoned or abused children in and immediately terminate parental rights. Here in the United States because of our individual freedoms and the right to contract; pregnant women enter into agreements all the time with potential adoptive parents who hope at the end of the day the mother signs the documentation required to relinquish her rights and doesn't change her mind. These couples invest time and money into this process while the birth mother can literally coast along being taken care of throughout her pregnancy and choose at the very end to change her mind. Most of these women can not afford to repay the adoptive parents, and although certainly they are entitled to all of the money they expended, as with any other judgement, the trick is in the actual collection. Aside from Private Adoption in this country we have our version of orphanages known as the Foster Care System.

No one can tell me the foster care system in this country is the best way to reconnect a family. Most children placed into the system get stuck there for years while the justice system keeps giving the child's parent yet another chance to clean up their act. Frankly, there should be a higher standard for these parents and the children should be available for adoption sooner than they presently are. Yes, the system has changed a bit and there are supposedly strick timelines in place but young children can still be in foster care for quite a while before they are eligible for adoption; and more importantly their wayward parents are given chance upon chance to show that they are now capable of caring for this child.

So we ask our yuppy and preppy couples to put their lives aside to make room in their hearts and lives for a child in need of a home, only to boldly strip them of this child when the biological parents decide they now want to be a parent. What kind of justice is served by a system which allows a child to reap the benefits of a healthy normal enviorment only to be stripped of that lifestyle once addict Mom or convict Dad decide they are now rehabiliated and want the chance to parent again? Six months or even one year down the road, the child will find themselves on the doorstep of yet another foster home, moved from house to house with only paper bags filled with the few belongings they allow themselves to own due to their constant upheaval. Perhaps the laws should be changed yet again, once a biological parent gives a child up there are "no backsies." A child is not a playing card. Look at the home and the environment not just the biology. The best home should win out, not the similarity of genes. Let's give the children more rights and their parents who should know better, less.

Parasites; Guardia; Lactose intolerance Reading ...

Parasites; Guardia; Lactose intolerance

Reading through the blogs of my fellow international adoptee parents I see that many of them are experiencing the very problems we did upon our arrival home with my daughter. My daughter loved everything we fed her, however, she had the most explosive and vile smelling bowl movements. We of course had her on soy right from the beginning knowing that lactose intolerance could be a problem and the issue did not abate.

We were a regular at the physicians office her first month home. Dealing with double ear infections, strep throat and what was diagnosed as Guardia. A parasite actually in her intestines which produced this horrendous bowl movement. The course of antibiotics for the removal of this parasite is a vile tasting pink liquid which we basically forced down my child's throat with a liquid syringe type gagit. The parasite which is said to be common in day care environments and especially in countries where the water quality is not up to snuff, usually takes two rounds at least of antibiotic to get out of the system. Once the parasite is gone, however, you child's little tummy is depleted of all the important bacteria it needs to digest non parasital food. Now enter acidophillas. I'm sure I have misspelled it and I even have trouble saying it. This is a health food store powder that has the same ingredients as yogurt.

Eventually her digestive tract normalized and my child was no longer exploding. The next issue she faced was seasonal allergies, but that is another blog for another day.....

The Homestudy There is no set format that adopt...

The Homestudy


There is no set format that adoption agencies use to conduct home studies. They must follow the general regulations of their State, but they have the freedom to develop their own application packet, policies, and procedures within those regulations. Some agencies will have prospective parents attend one or several group orientation sessions or a series of training classes before they complete an application. Others will have their social worker start by meeting with family members individually and then ask that they attend educational meetings later on. Usually agency staff members are glad to answer any questions and to guide applicants through the process.

The home study itself is a written report of the findings of the social worker who has met with the applicants on several occasions, both individually and together, usually at the social worker's office. At least one meeting will occur in the applicant's home. If there are other people living in the home, they also will be interviewed by the social worker
On average the home study process takes three to six months to complete, but it can take longer through public agencies or less time through non-licensed facilitators. The home study process, the contents of the written home study report, and the time it will take to complete vary from State to State and from agency to agency. In general, the following information is included in the home study:

Personal and family background-including upbringing, siblings, key events, and what was learned from them.
Significant people in the lives of the applicants
Marriage and family relationships
Motivation to adopt
Expectations for the child
Feelings about infertility (if this is an issue)
Parenting and integration of the child into the family
Family environment
Physical and health history of the applicants
Education, employment and finances-including insurance coverage and child care plans if needed
References and criminal background clearances
Summary and social worker's recommendation.

The following sections will describe typical information or activities that will be required of families who want to adopt:

Autobiographical Statement
The autobiographical statement can be intimidating, but it is essentially the story of your life. Most agencies have a set of guidelines that detail the kind of information they require to assist you in writing the autobiography, and others have the worker assist you directly. You may be asked to describe who reared you and their style of child rearing, how many brothers and sisters you have, and where you are in the birth order.
Your statement may answer many questions. Were you close to your parents and siblings when you were a child; are you close now; how much contact do you have with them? What are some successes or failures that you have had? What educational level have you reached; do you plan to further your education; are you happy with your educational attainments; what do you think about education for a child? What is your employment status; your employment history; do you have plans to change employment; do you like your current job?

If you are married, there will be questions about your marriage. These may cover how you met, how long you dated before you married, how long you have been married, what attracted you to each other, what your spouse's strengths and weaknesses are, and the issues on which you agree and disagree in your marriage. Others may ask how you make decisions, solve problems, settle arguments, communicate, express feelings, and show affection. If you were married before, there will be questions about that marriage. If you are single, there will be questions about your social life and how you anticipate integrating a child into it, as well as questions about your network of supportive relatives and friends.

In your statement, you will probably describe your ordinary routines, such as your typical weekday or weekend, your hobbies and interests, and your leisure time activities. You may also describe your plans for childcare if you work outside the home. There will be questions that cover your experiences with children, relatives' children, neighbors, volunteer work, babysitting, teaching, or coaching. You might be asked some "what if" questions regarding discipline or other parenting issues
You will probably be asked about your neighborhood: How friendly are you with your neighbors? What kind of people live nearby? Is it a safe area? Why did you pick this neighborhood? Are you located conveniently to community resources, such as medical facilities, recreational facilities, shopping areas, and religious facilities? And you will be asked about religion, your level of religious practice, and what kind of religious upbringing (if any) you will give the child.

There may also be a section on specific adoption-related issues, including questions about why you want to adopt, what kind of child you feel you can best parent and why, how you will tell the child he or she is adopted and when, what you think of birth parents who make an adoption plan for their child, how you will handle relatives' and friends' questions about adoption, and whether you can bond to a child not genetically related to you.

You may not know all these answers right away! A home study is supposed to help you think through these issues. Hopefully, the social worker guiding you through the home study process will offer advice on describing these topics.

You will be asked to provide a copy of your birth certificate, your marriage license or certificate, and your divorce decree, if applicable.

Health Statements
Most agencies require a physical exam of prospective adoptive parents, or at least a current tuberculosis test (X-ray or scratch test). Some agencies that only place infants with infertile couples require that the physician verify the infertility. Others just want to know that you are essentially healthy, have a normal life expectancy, and are able to physically and emotionally handle the care of a child. If you have a medical condition, but are under a doctor's care and it is under control (for instance, high blood pressure or diabetes that is controlled by diet and medication), you can probably still be approved as an adoptive family. A serious health problem that affects life expectancy may prevent approval.

Income Statement
Usually, you are asked to verify your income by providing a copy of your paycheck stub(s), a copy of a W-4 form, or an income tax form (1040 or 1040 EZ). You will be asked about your savings, insurance policies, and other investments and debts, including your monthly mortgage or rent payment, car and charge account payments, etc. This helps determine your general financial stability. You do not have to be rich to adopt; you just have to show that you can manages your finances responsibly and adequately.