Hosting A Child; Testing the Waters of Internatio...

Hosting A Child; Testing the Waters of International Adoption
Family Builders Finding a Forever Family

Recently I met a lovely family who called themselves international adoption "facilitators" specializing in Ukrainian adoptions. When I adopted my daughter from Russia over 5 years ago I called my "facilitators" angels. In the world of adoption that is indeed what they are. This family of facilitators tries to put together a number of families interested in "hosting" an international child(who by the way is already free for adoption) for a three week period. During the host period the family is asked if they would be interested in adopting the child they are hosting.
Children deemed appropriate for the rigors in international travel and who are or will soon be free for adoption are selected by their orphanage director and Ukrainian coordinator. The children are free of communicable diseases and they have been vaccinated according to American standards. The children are escorted throughout the flight by an interpreter who is available to the host families. Most of these children do not speak English, but over the course of the next three weeks the families and these children some how manage to communicate. Children who are age 5 or older and legally free for adoption are given preference to families who have had a previous and positive contact with them. In general, Ukrainian people are not interested in the adoption of "older" children, although as in Russia the Ukrains and the Russians are given first priority over Americans interested in adopting a particular child. The child is also given the opportunity do decide whether or not he/she wants to be adopted by the host family, but most times the decision is mutual.
In order to host a child a mini home study or completed home study is required; 2 letters of recommendation (from non family members) police clearance, and the completion of an online course on "Hosting Children From Abroad."

These American Angels have made connections in the Ukraine with facilitators who are experienced and well liked by the directors of the orphages in the region.
Hosting a child is an excellent way for families to decide whether or not international adoption is right for them. What better way to alleviate fear than to experience the joy of having child in your home and being a part of your daily lives. Even if the family chooses to by pass the adoption experience, the experience they have given this child and the effect it will have on their own family in years to come is priceless.
Family Builders can be emailed at linnpenn21@optonline.net or contacted at 631-751-0758.

National Adoption Day or Gotcha Day I was inform...

National Adoption Day or Gotcha Day

I was informed this week that on or about September 19 was National Adoption Day. I attempted to verify that date but at this writing was unable to do so. I do however, know all about "Gotcha Day". This is the term used by many in the adoption community as the name of the day the parents of an adopted child either take home their new child, or finalize the adoption. It is used interchangeably or at the family's whim in symbolizing for them the day they all became a family. It is sort of like an "unbirthday" a day not your birthday that you celebrate like it is your birthday. Unbirthdays are especially useful for Christmas babies, who feel they get shortchanged by getting presents for the holiday and having people call it also a birthday gift.

When we "got" my daughter we started to celebrate "gotcha day" until it seemed like "gotcha day" was every day! I wanted to just keep celebrating our new family and we eventually settled on her birthday for our big celebrations.

Recently I saw some adoption magazines making reference to "gotcha day" and saying that the term was no longer PC and now carried with it a negative connotation of sorts. I am still trying to rationalize what the negative connotation could be but fail to come up with anything. Any celebration that makes a family feel good should be embraced. Afterall isn't that why we have celebrations throughout the year? My children are convinced that we are multi cultural because we celebrate just about every holiday on the calendar and attempt to learn about the history and heritage of the particular event. We have had Passover sedars in my home; we never fail to celebrate Cinco de Mayo; St. Patricks Day always involves corned beef and recently one of my children asked that we investigate Kwanza for a possible inclusion into our celebratory calendar.

So whether you were born this week as was my latest client, or you are celebrating a "gotcha day" event, as is the same client; Happy, Happy, Enjoy!

Making the Decision to Place Your Child For Adopt...

Making the Decision to Place Your Child For Adoption

The decision to place a child for adoption is not only a life altering decision it is one decision which cannot be reversed. I came across this questionaire designed to help a birth mother decide whether or not adoption is right for them. I took some liberties in adding some of my own questions and tayloring the ones that I found based on some of my clients concerns. I hope those of you who may be considering this as an option find these helpful.

1. Is it ok to keep in mind what is good for myself as well as the baby?

2. Am I making this decision or is someone else?

3. Am I usuing responsible logic to make this decision or am I rebelling against or yielding to someone else's desires?

4. How will this decision affect my family? Should I involve them?

5. Do other people's feelings matter in making this decision?

6. How much should I listen to friends, family, community acquaintances and the birth father?

7. What are the feeling I have about my decision? Guild, pride, fear, relief?

8. Does having and raising a child fit the lifestyle I want?

9. Could I handle a child(another child) and a job at the same time?

10. Would I be ready to cut back my social life and spend more time at home?

11. Would I miss my free time and privacy?

12. Could I afford to suppor a child(another child)?

13. Do I really know how much it takes to raise a child?
(to answer this question make a list of furniture, clothing, toys, food, diapers etc..that you will need for a child and price them)

14. Do I want to raise a child in the neighborhood where I live now? If not,would I be willing and able to move?

15.Would a child change my education plans?

16. Do I have the energy and the money to go to school and raise a child at the same time?

17. Am I willing to give a great part of my life-at least 18 years- to being responsible for a child and spend a large portion of my life being concerned about my child's well being?

18. Am I ready to put a child's needs before my own?

19.Do I like doing things with children? Do I enjoy activites that children do?

20. Would I want my child to acheive things I wish I had, but didn't?

21. Would I expect my child to keep me from being lonely in my old age?

22. Do I expect my child to make my life happy?

23. Do I like children?

24. When I'm around children for a while, do I wish I could have a child around all the time?

25. Do I enjoy teaching others?

26. Do I want to give a child the love he/she needs? Is loving easy for me?

27. Am I patient enough to deal with the noise and the confusion and the 24 hour a day responsibility?

28. What kind of time and space do I need for myself?

29. What do I do when I get angry or upset? Would I be likely to lose control and hit a child?

30. What does discipline mean to me?

31. Whad does freedom, setting limits, or giving space mean?

32. What is being too strict or not strict enough?

33. Would I want the perfect child?

34. How do I get along with my parents? What will I do to avoid the mistakes my parents made?

35. How would I take care of my child's health and safety? How do I take care of my own?

36. What if I keep a child and find out I made the wrong decision?

37. Will I be able to respond to a child's medical emergencies and care for the child?

38. Does my partner want to have a child? Have we talked about the reasons?

39. Could we give a child a good home? Is our relationship a happy and strong one?

40 Are we both ready to give our time and energy to raising a child?

41. Could we share our love with a child without jealousy?

42. What will happen if we separated after having a child, or if one of us should die?

43. Do my partner and I understand each other's feelings aboutreligion, work, family, child raising, future goals? Will children fit into these feelings, hopes and plans?

44. Have I discussed my situation with my family? How do they feel about my becoming a parent? How do they feel about the child being adopted?

Gay Adoption Like many issues involving sexual o...

Gay Adoption

Like many issues involving sexual orientation, adoption by same-sex couples tends to be a controversial issue. Critics of the practice have long argued that children are harmed when they are not raised in the presence of both a father and a mother. Others have argued that exposure to homosexuality at a young age can potentially harm a child's development and maturity regarding gender roles or sexuality in general.

Supporters of adoption by same-sex couples argue that loving same-sex couples can be just as effective parents as opposite-sex couples. They say that statistics do not indicate that children raised by same-sex couples are any more likely to be affected by social problems. While some studies have shown that children raised by same-sex couples are likely to have sightly different views about gender roles than their peers, supporters note that such children are not more likely to be gay or lesbian themselves later in life.

The American Psychological Association supports adoption by same-sex couples in its policy statement of July 28 & 30, 2004

Adoption by same-sex couples is legal in Andorra, Belgium, England and Wales, Iceland, the Netherlands, Sweden, South Africa, and Spain. Denmark, Germany and Norway allow "stepchild-adoption" so that the partner in a civil union can adopt the natural (or sometimes even adopted) child of his partner. In the Republic of Ireland and some other countries, individual persons, whether heterosexual/homosexual, cohabiting/single may apply for adoption.

In February 2006, France's Court of Cassation ruled that both partners in a same-sex relationship can have parental rights over one partner's biological child. The result came from a case where a woman tried to give parental rights of her two daughters to her partner whom she was in a civil union with.[2]

On June 2, 2006 the Icelandic Parliament voted for a proposal accepting adoption, parenting and assisted insemination treatment for same-sex couples on the same basis as heterosexual couples. No member of the parliament voted against the proposal. The law went into effect on June 27, 2006.

In the United States, only one state, Florida, totally bans gay adoption.


Nine states allow for openly gay and lesbian couples to adopt jointly:
California
Massachusetts
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
Ohio
Vermont
Washington
Wisconsin
as well as D.C.
It is more common for one partner to adopt and then for the second to apply as the second parent, or co-parent. Second parent adoptions creates a second legally recognized parent for the adoptive children. This is the only way for gay couples to both become legal parents of their children. Second parent adoptions have been granted by the courts in twenty-one states as well as D.C. These states include - Alabama, Alaska, Minnesota, Nevada, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Texas, Vermont, and Washington.

The bulk of evidence to date indicates that children raised by gay and lesbian parents are no more likely to become homosexual than children raised by heterosexuals. As one researcher put it. "If heterosexual parenting is insufficient to ensure that children will also be heterosexual, then there is no reason to conclude that children of homosexuals also will be gay."

Studies asking the children of gay fathers to express their sexual orientation showed the majority of children to be heterosexual, with the proportion of gay offspring similar to that of a random sample of the population. An assessment of more than 300 children born to gay or lesbian parents in 12 different samples shows no evidence of "significant disturbances of any kind in the development of sexual identity among these individuals".