Domestic Adoption The increasing role of the birt...

Domestic Adoption
The increasing role of the birth family

Recently an agency has been brought to my attention indicating that they deal with states who have little to no revocation laws regarding adoption. Finding it difficult to believe I went on their website and then researched the laws of the states they utilize. While it is true there are some states that have virtually no revocation provisions meaning, once the documents are signed and/or the child is turned over to the adoptive family, the birth mother can no longer change her mind. All statues in all states however, have a provision allowing revocation in the event of fraud of duress. Such is the fodder of the adoption lawsuits which paper the country. Additionally, the agency in question claims to foster a positive and "close" relationship between the adoptive family and the birth mother. This may be the way of the future of adoptions in this country but in my mind it is not the preferred method of adoption. I for one pray for the birth mother of my adopted child and bless her and thank her for my wonderful daughter. But I am not interested in having her as a part of our lives. Call me selfish, cruel or uncaring,but in my mind, her role in my daughter's life ended on the 6th day of my child's life when she put her in an orphanage. My beautiful child spent the next 15 months of her life, starving for food and attention not to mention mental stimulation. In the six years we have her, she has become healthy, happy and the joy of our lives. It was a lot of work and still is, to get her where she should be at this point in time, and I have no desire to share her. Of course my child is fully aware of the fact that she is adopted and that we traveled around the world to get her. Make no mistake I will also give her any and all information she needs if she chooses to try to find her birth family when she is older. In fact I have already told my husband I will travel with her if she wants. For now though, let me enjoy her without sharing...Russia is a lot further than Oklahoma and frankly I like it that way.

The Hague Convention New Rules 2007 The hot news ...

The Hague Convention
New Rules 2007
The hot news in international adoption at this juncture is the implementation of the Hague Convention Treaty set up to safeguard international adoptions. Major Advantages of the Convention and Its Implementation as per the State Department website states:

Provides, for the first time, formal international and intergovernmental recognition of intercountry adoption.
Recognizes intercountry adoption, as defined and treated by the Convention, as a means of offering the advantage of a permanent family to a child for whom a suitable family has not been found in the childÂ’s country of origin.
Establishes a set of internationally agreed minimum requirements and procedures uniformly to govern intercountry adoptions in which a child moves from one Convention party country to another.
Requires that countries party to the Convention establish a Central Authority to be the authoritative source of information and point of contact in that country, to carry out certain functions, to cooperate with other Central Authorities, and to ensure effective implementation of the Convention in the United States.
Provides a means for ensuring that adoptions made pursuant to the Convention will generally be recognized and given effect in other party countries.
Facilitates the adoption by U.S. adoptive parents of children from other party countries through an expanded category of children, safeguarded by the Convention, who will qualify for immigration and automatic naturalization in the United States.
Certain countries have already been apart of this treaty, however to date the United States was not.
That meant that international adoption previously was conductedthroughh the foreign country and the United States had very little to do with the adoption except with regard to INS approval. Now agencies who have previously worked only with foreign governments to procure these adoptions need to deal with the US government as well.
What does this mean to the average adoptive couple? Another layer of government has been added to the mix,bringing with it the usual additionalbureaucraticc requirements and additional paperwork andproceduress not yet outlined. Chances are this new wrinkle will slow down adoptions somewhat as agencies and the new governmental agency will need to feel there way through uncharted waters for a while until they have established a firm policy.
The good news is of course, there are many more safeguards in place for the adoptive family enabling them to recoup lost money in the event an adoption falls through and in fact make it such that adoptions should no longer fall through the cracks. As the agencies scramble to insure that all goes smoothly with theirclientelel the actual additional requirements will not be known for a while. The best advice is to find an agency already accredited internationally and begin the application process as soon as possible. There is a good chance that applications in process may be exempt from the new additional paperwork, but that is yet to be seen. I will keep an eye on this and keep you posted.

So A Couple Came Into My Office Today.... And I ...

So A Couple Came Into My Office Today....

And I believe I talked them right out of Private Domestic Adoption. God forgive me if I have done them a disservice but the thought of representing any party again in a private adoption had me ready to hand in my happy law credo and dive back into my divorce trenches. This positively nice couple came in with all intentions of placing an 800 number in the paper and housing and meeting a frail young pregnant woman who wanted her child to have a better life. They were absolutely rosey in their concept of the how this was a wonderful idea of the young woman who may have found herself in a jam and the poor infant who would otherwise have a very difficult childhood. As I forced myself to not start screaming about how you couldn't be sure who to trust and who not to trust and the fact that they could very well be walking right into a con; helping a woman who actually had no intention at all of giving up her child but wanted financial help throughout her pregnancy and then conveniently changes her mind when the infant is produced. Or perhaps just some gold digger who wants to play "How much for that Baby In Utero?" Oh, don't worry, I stopped myself before I lost control and ran screaming from the room. I just very calmly started listing the cons of entering into this time of "agreement" though it is far from an agreement in this country where the baby is the one truly unprotected. I stressed the fact that the relinquishing of the child could not be made until the child was born and that they would have already made a hefty financial and emotional investment by that time. I then segue into the forum of International Adoption. I proceeded to advise them that in this type of adoption the children were usually already free for adoption and there would be no dealing with birth mothers. There are no open adoptions internationally, nor are there negotiations as to fees or expenses. Forgive me I said if I feel very strongly here, but I recently represented a birth mother who is in the process of suing for the child back and has implemented me in the course of this saying I forced her into this process. Of course that is the furthest thing from the truth and in fact, I believe that I was the one duped in all of this. I firmly believe this was a hoax from day one and that myself and the adoptive parents were pawns to this addict (no, I didn't know she was an addict at the time)and I had no plans to put myself in such a position again. International adoption was much more agreeable to me in that my experience was by far the happiest and most rewarding time of my life. This couple left with a new idea and lots of websites and warm fuzzy feelings. Be it China, Russia, Guatemala or the Ukraine anyplace but the United States is the place to go for adoption....Yup just ask my girl....She'll tell you.

International Adoption is Never A Bad Idea My da...

International Adoption is Never A Bad Idea

My daughter has long blond hair and green eyes. She was 16 months old when we adopted her and was shortly on her way out of the infants hospital we had found her. The chances of adoption after the age of 12 months drastically drops in countries such as Russia, where only healthy infants are desired by the Russian people. Many cannot even afford to take in another child. Once a child in Russia reaches the age of 16 they are turned out into the street to find their own way. Most of the girls turn to prostitution and the boys turn to drugs. China has a similiar story to tell, with the one child rule, the Chinese are unable to adopt their own due to the violation of their country's laws.
Where then, do these purported advocates of these children come off telling everyone including CNN that maybe international adoption is not in the best interests of these children and that perhaps they are better off in their communities. Who is there to raise them in these communities is the questions? No one is the answer. These children are left to beg for their own well being.

The Madonna controversy How Does It Effect Intern...

The Madonna controversy
How Does It Effect International Adoption?

Last night while I was waiting for my son to finish his homework, I got to do something I rarely do which is watch the evening news shows. All the talking heads were alternating between discussing the Michael J. Fox commercials and the Madonna adoption controversy. Of course the one show had a very upset commentator who was an adoptive father was very upset with Madonna for what he claims will ruin it for the rest of us who want to adopt internationally. Of course the controversy revolves around the fact that purportedly the laws for adoption in country of her adoption require the adoptive parents to reside in the country for an 18 month period. That seems a rather onerous task to ask of adoptive parents, but if in fact that is their rule, so be it. However, as the mother of an internationally adoptive child, also know that rules abroad involving adoptions are routinely changed or waived. The judge in our case (as well as the entire group traveling with us) all had the wait period waived. He must have been in a good mood that day. In our case we were told that there could be one to four week wait period before we could leave with the child. We were prepared to leave and come back due to the fact that we left other children at home. We were lucky in our case. Why can't it be Madonna was also lucky? Why wasn't her judge permitted to waive the requirement as was our judge? Is it because she is famous, and her adoption is public news, that she must be forced to a higher standard? I would be interested in seeing if any other adoptive parents were forced to reside for an 18 month period before leaving the country with the child. I would venture to say this "rule" is routinely waived. Isn't it more important that the child will be cared for properly and shouldn't we take into consideration that the child had been in an orphanage from 2 weeks after birth?

I think we need to re-evaluate our priorities and remember that we need to apply a best interest test in dealing with children. Who does the 18 month residency requirement benefit? Clearly not the child, who would thrive with nutritious food and medical care not readily available in his present environment.

We all want to think that the rich get favors you and I never do; but in this case I really don't believe the favor was granted because she bought it. I think the waiver was granted because the child deserved to begin his healthy new life as quickly as possible.

Happy Law This was supposed to be the area of th...

Happy Law

This was supposed to be the area of the law that made families instead of destroyed them. This is what I bragged to my staff when we entered this field. Silly me, I naturally forgot we were dealing with human nature.

Recently many of my adoption petitions have dealt with step parent adoption. Sometimes there is a parent who cannot be found, that is the easy type. Many times the parent can be found and must be given the right to object. Of course in my experience they always want to object. What ensues of course is then a hearing to see if that particular parent's rights should in fact be terminated. A pretty hefty burden.

Then we have the "I want my baby back." adoption nightmare. Again this is all too common here in the United States where we tend to bend over backwards to protect parental rights most times to the detriment of the children involved. Private adoptions in this country are a never ending source for the Lifetime Movie Network. They bring us all to tears and have helped to increase interest in International Adoptions, where children are free for adoption even before the potential adoptive couple has seen them. Orphanages internationally take abandoned or abused children in and immediately terminate parental rights. Here in the United States because of our individual freedoms and the right to contract; pregnant women enter into agreements all the time with potential adoptive parents who hope at the end of the day the mother signs the documentation required to relinquish her rights and doesn't change her mind. These couples invest time and money into this process while the birth mother can literally coast along being taken care of throughout her pregnancy and choose at the very end to change her mind. Most of these women can not afford to repay the adoptive parents, and although certainly they are entitled to all of the money they expended, as with any other judgement, the trick is in the actual collection. Aside from Private Adoption in this country we have our version of orphanages known as the Foster Care System.

No one can tell me the foster care system in this country is the best way to reconnect a family. Most children placed into the system get stuck there for years while the justice system keeps giving the child's parent yet another chance to clean up their act. Frankly, there should be a higher standard for these parents and the children should be available for adoption sooner than they presently are. Yes, the system has changed a bit and there are supposedly strick timelines in place but young children can still be in foster care for quite a while before they are eligible for adoption; and more importantly their wayward parents are given chance upon chance to show that they are now capable of caring for this child.

So we ask our yuppy and preppy couples to put their lives aside to make room in their hearts and lives for a child in need of a home, only to boldly strip them of this child when the biological parents decide they now want to be a parent. What kind of justice is served by a system which allows a child to reap the benefits of a healthy normal enviorment only to be stripped of that lifestyle once addict Mom or convict Dad decide they are now rehabiliated and want the chance to parent again? Six months or even one year down the road, the child will find themselves on the doorstep of yet another foster home, moved from house to house with only paper bags filled with the few belongings they allow themselves to own due to their constant upheaval. Perhaps the laws should be changed yet again, once a biological parent gives a child up there are "no backsies." A child is not a playing card. Look at the home and the environment not just the biology. The best home should win out, not the similarity of genes. Let's give the children more rights and their parents who should know better, less.

Parasites; Guardia; Lactose intolerance Reading ...

Parasites; Guardia; Lactose intolerance

Reading through the blogs of my fellow international adoptee parents I see that many of them are experiencing the very problems we did upon our arrival home with my daughter. My daughter loved everything we fed her, however, she had the most explosive and vile smelling bowl movements. We of course had her on soy right from the beginning knowing that lactose intolerance could be a problem and the issue did not abate.

We were a regular at the physicians office her first month home. Dealing with double ear infections, strep throat and what was diagnosed as Guardia. A parasite actually in her intestines which produced this horrendous bowl movement. The course of antibiotics for the removal of this parasite is a vile tasting pink liquid which we basically forced down my child's throat with a liquid syringe type gagit. The parasite which is said to be common in day care environments and especially in countries where the water quality is not up to snuff, usually takes two rounds at least of antibiotic to get out of the system. Once the parasite is gone, however, you child's little tummy is depleted of all the important bacteria it needs to digest non parasital food. Now enter acidophillas. I'm sure I have misspelled it and I even have trouble saying it. This is a health food store powder that has the same ingredients as yogurt.

Eventually her digestive tract normalized and my child was no longer exploding. The next issue she faced was seasonal allergies, but that is another blog for another day.....